Depression VS Annoyed

I can tell you with all honesty that at this time I am in a funk of drepression, after all, my house has been under reconstruction for almost 2 years and yet its still not finished and today I find out that my self pulled permits have all been retired and now have to repermit the whole shibang, hell who wouldnt be depressed after that. I'm not the sort to be sucidial or wanting to off myself through any inaction so dont go worrying about me whoever reads this.

A few things keep me going through it all. Music, my greatest passion. Wether it be making it, playing it or listening to it, without it I would most likely loose whats left of my fragile psyche at this point. In fact as I write this I am using my Studio headphones, Sony MDR-7506 Reference series, {for those not wanting to spend over $100 they are great if you reach the point of "I'm tired of replacing all the crappy ones I've been wasting my money on or I want to get something decent for under a hundred bucks dept." If you can handle an additional 50 bucks there is a set by Audio-Technica that are getting super reviews in the recording industry, model ATH-M50, you just might throw the earbuds away or keep them for mobile listening only.}

Next up, HUMOR, I have to have it, I have to laugh. When I do watch TV I pretty much only watch comedy shows these days, I stay away from all forms of drama shows. Perhaps after I grow out of this funk i will take on some drama types.

SECOND LIFE, it's a bit of an escape really. SL keeps me engaged with others even though I am not going out and socializing much in RL due to my physical ailments I still feel an interacton with others. Besides, most of the people I have met are really nice and am happy to call them friends. Though I have had my share of DRAMA in SL, wether it stems from bad jokes gone ary, jealousy or misread (misunderstood) text that cannot represent the true emotion that's behind them to the people that are reading it, seems there is no way to eschew from it. Even with the minor drawbacks I can still find ways to employ SL as my savior from the ho-hum of dreary TV most nights. I do what I can to keep my head above the waters mentally and do well most of the time. In fact there are times I can dry off for days here and there.

I guess the last thing is my drive to be triumphant in all that I do. I don't like to be beaten. It's not always about being first, mostly it's a one on one deal. It''s me versus a goal or the like. Especially when it comes to my work/company. When dealing with a problem I don't want to give up, I can't give up, there is always a solution. Although sometimes that solution is start over or move to something else that actually works, ie software, hardware etc. I apply this ideal to most of my daily activites.

The Annoyed part:

Lately I have noticed how easily and how often I feel annoyed about things. Just about anything really, from failures of my own accord to the gormless people that litter the earth. I seem to have a sensitivity to the later and find that others self inflicted stupidity is an epidemic in America especially where I live. All this free education and it's wasted. I have a very low allowance for people who act as such and become easily discomposed when I am a witness to such behaviors. It doesn't take much to educate yourself daily or take notice of the world around you. I'll say I'm am bit intolerant of stupid people. It sets me off pretty quick. And no it's not the stupid as in the challenged meaning, it's the ones who don't care to better themselves or learn when they are perfectly capable. I dont get mad when I meet the mentally challenged. I really don't know where it comes from, it just happens. Of course I am my biggest critic when it comes to this. If I find myself doing or having done something (stoopid) I get upset at myself rather quickly. I feel I am better than that and it shouldn't happen, I am human, despite what others think, and I have my faults, but hating meyself for a self fault is usually not a good thing, but I have learned to cope with my self anger, to control it better. As for my anger towards others being stupid, I often wonder if it stems from my holding everyone in high reguard from the start, I feel greatly disapointed that if something that seems so easy to me can befuddle someone else so greatly and not be do the right thing. I start to get angry because of others failures to understand as I do. Or it might be that I expected too much, I belived they could handle it but indeed it may not have been true. I find however that most just dont bother to try and that's what gets me started on the path of annoyance.

Thats about all I have time for today, a little incite to the person behind the avatar. I have to go take care of a friends house while they are away. At least I have my super duper laptop to run SL on their wireless network for the next half a week. Seeing this animal sitting is just another reason I am not going to replace my animals when they pass this time, at least not for a while anyways. Freedom to leave all behind and have mini vacations over the weekend without having to find someone to cover the feed and fecal issues when you go away. Since starting my business I have not had a chance to leave for a real vacation since 2004's run to Cedar Point. Yeah, I'm a coaster nut, but am affraid my recent injury proneness will leave me unable to ride.